nolan fox on the Shanghai entry

i failed to mention that nolan still doesn't believe those were whores...

nolan: I'd like you to register my protestations that those were, in my opinions, not engaged in prostitution

me: they were you idiot

nolan: were not and im no idiot

me: who else would ask you to go get "coffee" with them after you randomly approach them and insist on knowing what kind of work they do

nolan: one was a pharmacist and one worked at kinkos

being that the hooker really said that she makes photocopies of things, and nolan took that as working at kinkos, and that kinkos doesnt exist in China, I win.

buying milk

Tonight, my aunt had me perform the simple task of going over to the local grocery store to buy a gallon of milk.

The walk to the grocery store requires entering a shopping mall wherein exists many lovely and trendy Hong Kong shops, like Sasa a store/black hole with an awesome array of pretty cosmetics and beauty care products.

However, those of you who have ever been shopping with me know that I am probably one of the worst compulsive spenders alive.

Passing this store was very tempting, being a compulsive shopper and all, but I maintained strength as I struggled to walk pass without entering. "You're only here to buy milk. You're only here to buy milk." Unfortunately, I had yet to walk back in order to return home.

That's why the real title of this entry should be...

Excuses to tell my mother when she asks why I spent my entire week's allowance on 80 dollar facewash.

"Skin Care equals health equals very important?"

"The workers robbed me and replaced my money with really pretty facewash."

"Pretty face wash makes me happy and happiness is the key to life?"

ahhh... lame. that's all i've got.

my other option is to not tell her, not buy any more clothing this week, stay at home (as transportation in hk costs money), and starve myself for the rest of the week (ahhh its only monday!).

however... not buying clothes is hard...

any suggestions?

nightlife in shanghai

one thing that i definitly failed to learn before going to shanghai was the predominant amount of asian prostitutes located in the city.

a beautiful night walking around the famous People's Square cannot happen without seeing loads of ugly toothless asian women chasing the foreign white men. after having my cousin bring this phenomena to my attention and realizing i had a white person handy (thanks nolan fox), i had to see if these really were prostitutes. most travelers usually head thousands of miles to the famous People's Square at night to view the beautiful architecture, dazzling lights, and wonderful shopping. i head halfway across the globe to this area to make Nolan Fox stand on the corner of the street and watch the many toothless whores approach him. or who i thought would approach him. much to the contrary, Nolan Fox (being that he is nolan fox) disobeyed orders and decided to approach the hookers himself. however, the night still turned out very eventful as nolan successfully gained three offers: two for "coffee" and one woman asking him if he wanted "cheap and pretty girl for tonight."

but... making fun of shanghai prostitutes does have its price(no pun intended) and I soon found myself on the other side of the barnyard (ha pun intended)...

after many insistent (and almost annoying) phone calls from some sexy european man and his friend I had met the night before, me and nolan finally decided to meet up with them at some trendy expat club full of white people. after meeting up, the night was spent with these white european people club hopping, going to mcdonalds, riding lots of taxis, and going to more white clubs. during this time, i somehow failed to realize that although i may be from america and speak fluent english, i still have squinty eyes and look chinese. token asian women + 3 very caucasian men = i had perfectly fit the description of Shanghai whore. my very hazy memories of the night included some Asian man uttering to me in chinese that foreigners are stealing all the chinese girls because they have money and that he has money and that i should go home with him. other memories included sisterly "good work picking up the foreign guy" winks and head nods from my fellow asian prostitutes. the thought of me looking like an asian whore must've somehow came across my mind during the night as bits and pieces of my memory take me back to a conversation i had with sexy european man's friend:

my drunken self "haaha haha ha ha i must ha ha look like an shanghai prostitute ha ha hanging out with you guys ha hah aha ha"
friend "i'm not gonna lie, but im pretty sure everyone we pass thinks that you are."

despite the conclusive disclosure from the friend, me and the copious amount of alcohol i was fed throughout the night failed to acknowledge this thought any further.

lucky for me, the inevitable fact was finally shoved in my face the next morning when taking a cab back to my hotel. here's a tip: don't talk to shanghai people when you are hungover and don't know how to speak mandarin. trying to sober up i told the taxi driver to take me back to my hotel:

taxi driver "hmm... but the hotel you are staying at is much nicer than this one that you are leaving from"

unable to ask him what in the hell he was implying, i simply nodded and said yes.

taxi driver "were you visiting a friend?"

me trying to speak chinese"yes ... friend... from amsterdam... european man."

taxi driver "oh i see a white man..[long pause]... so you're staying at the Mayfair Hotel? that's a very nice hotel."

me "thanks... i like very much" (note to self: learn to speak mandarin asap)

driver "so when are you available today, maybe i can come visit you in your room later"

although, yes, that was when i realized that i was an asian prostitute (which is really the whole point of this story), the fact that a taxi driver was making me an offer seemed to bother me a whole lot more. i mean, whats far more worse than being a whore, is being a cheap whore that even shanghai taxi drivers can afford.

i know i kind of lost track of this prolonged blog entry when i changed the focus from the problem of me looking like a prostitute to how cheap whores suck (no pun intended), but alright heres the moral of my story:

nolan fox likes to approach prostitutes in Shanghai.

and

i look like a cheap hooker.

the end.

vacationing while on vacation

Two weeks of solitude, boredom and basically hell in Guangzhou will finally be paid off in T-minus 39 hours where me and my cousin will find ourselves in not only central Shanghai with Nolan Fox (yes very random but still very not-boring) but a beautiful five star hotel with no parents, no guidance, and a very loosely regulated 18 years and older drinking/clubbing age.

Tell me you are not jealous.

[edit: But if you really aren't, don't. (thanks anonymous jerk commenter)]

Day 3 in Guangzhou, China

Things I learned today:

• I am very fat for a Chinese person.
• I suck horribly at volleyball
• My confidence isn't that great when i try to play volleyball in the gym of one of the best sports schools in China where the girls there are 20 inches taller than me, 50 times better than me, and years younger than me.
• Never eat a huge bowl of rice before you practice unless you want to end up throwing up outside in the bushes.
• I suck at volleyball because I'm fat (i prefer phat)
• Chinese gyms don't have air conditioning and believe in making you sweat away your life when it's 100 degrees outside.
• Middle-aged Japanese men are very nice and let you stand in front of line after you get rejected off a bus with no seats left because crazy asian women who were originally behind you in line somehow managed to sneak through you and steal the last seat. (grr)
• when my chain-smoking friend says she is going to quit smoking soon it means that she is going to start smoking ultra lights.
• even though i'll never be good enough to play at a sports college where kids half your age get recruited halfway across the country and make you feel like a loser volleyball player/poser that's okay because the gyms have no air-conditioning and the chinese buildings are ugly and bootleg.

Tomorrow's big plans consist of washing my hair in a bucket so it won't clog the drain and my grandmother will not yell at me for having hair that sheds like a beast.

This boredom is extremely overwhelming.